funny!

i was thinking how funny it is that my very first ultrasound is for pain... not for pregnacy! i go in tomorrow to see what the the heck is going on with me my ob seems to think it's a cyst. so i guess tomorrow we will find out! i just think life is funny, it's never the way you want. sometimes it better... but i feel like most the time it's worse... any one else with me? welp i'll let you know how it goes! pray for me!

Our Anniversary

Valentines day 2008 i made the best choice of my life! i got married to andy in the salt lake temple! at 8:00 am. it was the worst blizzard the night before, that we have had in a long time. and the world was white and beautiful! the only thing i was scared about that day was making it to the temple with out sliding off the road! we had to leave my parents house at 5 am! it was and is to this day the best day of my life! it was the start of our family!
Yesterday was valentines day 2011!! Three years with the love of my life as my husband! so awesome! we started off our day with a doctors appt me for me! It was not awesome after lots of poking and prodding, and lots of blood taken, andy ate a pizza from little ceasiers, and i got a double single protien style from in-n-out. after we had eaten i took a nap, and andy played some halo! sounds good so far right! haha, then to the hobby lobby, to get some awesome additions to my present, which by the way is a cricut! (the best scrapbooking tool ever) and then after that we came back home, i played arround with my present, andy ate most of his present, ( a box of see's candy a watch and some other play things for a specail time) at around 6 that night we went over to ross. i wanted to get some more paper for my new toy, and andy needed a belt! Then it was food time! and instead of waiting hours at some fancy resturant, we went to  fuddruckers! it was really good! There was a guy making balloon animals for the kids, and he make me some flowers, which he then gave to andy who then gave them to me! it was AWESOME! andy thought it was lame/funny that i was getting so excited about balloon flowers, but they are the best flowers i could have gotten on our anniversary! it was a great night! and it had only just begun. i had gone to the store and gotten all sorts of junk food! andy picked up a could of redboxs and we watched and pigged out!!! how to train your dragon was the first, and then dispicable me! it was a great night just being home and being together! thanks lover for a great night! and an amazing marrage so far! i'm looking forward to the rest!

Week

it's been almost a week, and my live hasn't changed all that much... i was sad and angry for a day, and then strange things started to happened and i became sad and confused, and now i'm just waiting ... again. i have a doctors apt on Monday and i'm hopping she can give me some answers. i'd like to have a baby, but there are lots of reasons of the craziness is having. i hope it's what i want it to be. but if not i hope it's just a bad cyst flare. andy is being supportive (as much as he can  be) i'm pretty sure he just thinks i'm crazy at this point and wants me to go to the doctor so i stop bugging him. i'm pretty sure that constant cramping is an indication of something. anyway... that's all i have today! i hope i have some answers soon!

Today sucked!

The waiting game is over! at least for this month! All month long I could have sworn i was prego! and i started my period... well... maybe maybe not. i might have miscarried, either way! it sucked i cryed and ate chocolate, i cryed some more, i slept, and i drank a ton of water! and then for a distractions i went to the in-laws to watch the super bowl, bleed, and sleep! i have been have a very heavy flow, with no sign of stopping, but then again this is only the first day! i'm just sad and wanting a baby and crying and wanting a baby! so all i can do i guess is go to the doctor, get my yearly check up and and keep trying... just keep trying, and try not to get invested until i know know that everything will be good, and that i will get my baby! ... and i know that it's not going to be easy on andy either! i know he is being brave and holding me and making me feel better, but i'm sure he is hurting. i need to be more compassionate toward his feelings, because i'm more than aware of my own! ohhhh just breath!

the waiting game

Shifu

Shifu

About a year ago andy and i got our first baby... a puppy! We named him shifu, after one of andy's favorite animated movies kufu panda. Master Shifu being the inspiration! He is very cute, very time consuming, and very very needy. But we love him all the same! He is over a year old now, but still very little, he is a west highland terrier. ya know the one off the Cesar dog food with the big puffy white face!!! he is very cute!
The day we went to pick out our puppy, we met all his brothers, and his sister. (there was only one girl in the litter and she was going for almost $200 more than the boys) we pick shifu out of the bunch right away. he had one little floppy ear, and a personality that was showing up all the others! The family had named him nemo, because when he was first born before he could see yet, he kept going towards the momma's butt when it was feeding time. hahaha so they had to keep re-directing him, until he got the hang of it. So they named him nemo!
Shifu is a part of the family! he goes over on sundays to my parents with us, and even on family vacations! he is our baby for now! I think that just maybe he will be overly jealous when we do get a baby, but we'll have to wait and see

Our little family so far.... playing in the snow!!!

Just keep trying!

Andy and i have been married for three years this month! about six months after we got married we wanted to be parents! (i was already off my birth control because of some health issues.) Needless to say, we don't have any kids yet, but we do have a dog! his name is Shifu, and for now he is my baby. I have taking millions of pee test, and all have been negative.  The first two years, i cryed every time  one of those test turned up negative.  We went to our doctor, i had tube and tube of blood drawn for every test i could think off. They sent me away to loose some weight and try again. A couple of months later and 10lbs less. I went back in this time with andy, he did the sperm thing and i had more blood drawn. we waited weeks for the test results. Doc called us back in, turned out andy had a low sperm count, and i had 3 of 10 symptoms of PCOS, Polly cystic ovary syndrome. THREE!!!! over weight (by 10lbs) cysts (i guess) and low blood sugar (because i didn't eat before i went in for my blood work) Anyway, he put me on metphormin and that is i guess it was suppose to help!!! long story short it sucked i got fatter because of the meds and really he gave me the options, artificial insemination, harvesting some eggs and doing some kind of implantation, and then adoption.  So I too the suggestions, and did my research. Money, Money,Money, was all i could find, first one 5,000 dollars, second option 10,000 dollars plus. and third adoption 10,000 dollars plus mommy medical bills. wowza. Having a baby the the natural way, insurance covers most of the cost and i get to grow my own baby in my own tummy, and get to feel everything! i know i will love my baby however i get it, but if i get to grow it on my own i will be forming that connection for day one! 
we are hopeful and in constant hope that our baby will come soon!!!